Top things to do in London — week of 23 March

So. Week of the 23rd. Properly busy week, a few things worth queuing for, and one absolute disaster of a tech demo I am still going to recommend because the after-party will be elite.

I keep a running list on Rifio if you cannot be bothered tabbing through five different platforms — the London this-week page gets refreshed daily, and the search actually works.

Monday: Slow start, on purpose

Honestly? Stay in. The Monday calendar is a wasteland this week — one networking thing in Mayfair that is £45 and made my eye twitch when I read the line-up. Cook some pasta.

If you must go out, the free London tech meetups list has a single Monday entry in Old Street, Linux nerds, very wholesome.

Tuesday: AI Tuesdays at the Conduit

This is the only Tuesday event I will defend. King's Cross, the Conduit, six o'clock kick off, two short talks then proper drinks. The Anthropic crowd shows up about half-eight, the OpenAI lot arrive late and pretend they were not at a different thing first, and there is normally one Mercor person looking suspiciously well-rested.

Free entry, RSVP via Luma, fills up by Sunday so do it now.

Wednesday: Dalston Open Mic, the Shacklewell

The best £5 you will spend all week. Fifteen acts, none of them famous, three of them genuinely good, two of them painfully bad. The bar staff know the regulars and that is half the charm.

Get there for 7:30 if you want a seat that is not behind a pillar.

Thursday: Theatre night, your choice

Two options.

• Soho Theatre downstairs — new comedy hour, name escapes me but the run sold out at Edinburgh last year. £18.
• Bush Theatre — proper play, two acts, one interval, £22. Definately worth it if you can be bothered going west.

I am doing the Soho one because it is closer to my flat, which is the most honest reason I will give you all article.

Friday: Soho Jazz Late at Ronnie Scott's

The 11pm slot at Ronnie's. Yes the booking flow on the website is from 2009. Yes the cocktails are eye-watering. The room is the room and the band on Friday is the one Sam Carter wrote about in his SF jazz roundup two months ago, so they are good enough to tour.

Get there at 10:15, eat first because the food at Ronnie's is fine but you are not there for that.

Saturday: Hackathon if you have the energy

Newspeak House are running a Saturday-only hackathon — community-AI flavoured, free pizza, ends at midnight with demos. If you are in the building 10am Saturday you are in for the long haul, but the people are sound and you will leave with a github repo and a vague hangover.

Otherwise: pub.

Sunday: Recovery, long lunch, somewhere good

Skip every event listing for Sunday and go for lunch instead. Dishoom Shoreditch is doing a 25% off bottomless thing — it is on their site, no secret code, but it makes a proper Sunday lunch under £30 a head.

If you absolutely have to go to an event, the Hampstead Comedy Club does a Sunday matinee that is mostly retired women laughing at increasingly filthy material, which is its own kind of magic.

That is it. Twelve things, one week, one neighbourhood-by-neighbourhood agenda. I will be at the Conduit on Tuesday and Ronnie's on Friday, say hi if you see me, I will be the one looking faintly judgemental.

Save the ones you fancy on Rifio so you do not forget — the free events filter is genuinely useful for the in-betweens.