London Friday night picks: mid-April

Friday night in London is a weekly logistics problem. Too many things on, too many tube lines that close too early, too much temptation to just go to the pub down the road. Here is how I would actually structure a Friday night this mid-April.

6pm to 8pm — the warm up

Two basic Friday strategies: dinner first then late, or pub first then late. I am increasingly a dinner-first person. Smoking Goat, Hawksmoor Spitalfields, Som Saa, Brawn — pick by neighbourhood. The Hawksmoor late kitchen runs until midnight which means you can go for a steak at 10pm and not be rushed, which is a small civilisational achievement.

Pub first: the Black Heart in Camden, the Ten Bells in Spitalfields, the Owl in Hackney. All low effort, all decent.

8pm to 10pm — the gig

Friday is gig night. Mid-April this week:

• The Roundhouse main stage has a proper-band Friday with a decent support — £30, doors 8.
• The Shacklewell has three indie bands on, £8 advance.
• Phonox sometimes has a live set Friday rather than a DJ thing — check the listings.

The Shacklewell is my default. Small enough to feel like something is happening, the booker has been on form all year, the bar is quick.

10pm to 12am — late comedy or late dinner

If you skipped dinner, this is when you have the late dinner. Hawksmoor late kitchen, Smoking Goat (queue moves), Dishoom Shoreditch (also moves, despite reputation).

If you skipped the gig, this is when comedy works. Top Secret Comedy Club's late show is a tourist trap nominally but the comics are real. The Bill Murray's late show is sharper, smaller, ten quid cheaper. Soho Theatre runs a late thing on Fridays that is genuinely worth the £18.

If you want a band you missed, the Moth Club in Hackney often runs a late set after a band — sequin ceiling, disco, no nonsense.

12am to 4am — the club

This is where the Friday night strategy gets really tested. The big rooms in mid-April:

• fabric room one is doing big-room techno. Queue before 11 to save yourself an hour later. The cloakroom is the slowest part of any London nightclub experience, factor it in.
• XOYO has had a strong run of Friday lineups this month. Easier queue, often easier vibe.
• Phonox — the room is smaller but the bookings are usually sharper than XOYO. Best if you actually care about the lineup.

A warehouse thing in Hackney Wick I will be deliberately vague about — tickets are via Resident Advisor, dont turn up speculative, the walk from Hackney Wick station is grim if you are wearing the wrong shoes.

4am to 6am — the home stretch

Night buses are not as bad as people make out, and the N73, N29, N24 cover most of the central-to-east axis. Ubers triple-surge after 4am which is the rule of large numbers and capitalism in tandem. There is also the Night Tube on the Victoria, Central, Northern, Jubilee and Piccadilly lines on Fridays now (and Saturdays) which has quietly fixed about 60 percent of late-night London logistics.

Late-night food: Bagel Bake on Brick Lane, salt beef bagel, £6. The end of every good Friday night should be there.

A note on getting in to things

Some clubs have started doing strict ID checks on the door (fabric is one of them) so bring a passport or a UK driving license. Photo of a passport on your phone does not count, has not counted for years, and the door staff are markedly less patient than they used to be. Plan accordingly.

For a fuller list of what is on this Friday, the London nightlife page is filterable and a far better way to plan than scrolling fifteen different newsletters.

That is the Friday plan. Build a schedule, leave 15 minutes of slack between things, do not try to do all of it. You will end up at Bagel Bake regardless.