Where to go on a budget in London tonight

London on a budget is honestly the easiest version of London if you know where to look. There is free comedy every night of the week, theatre tickets for under a tenner if you turn up at the right hour, and at least three pubs in zone 1 still serving a pint for under £5. Here is the proper list, the kind I send mates when they ask what to do on a Tuesday with twenty quid in their pocket.

If you want a calendar of cheap and free things, the London this-week page has filters for "free" and "under £10" already.

Free and donation-only comedy

Angel Comedy at the Camden Head in Angel — free entry, donations bucket at the end, two shows a night seven days a week. Get there 30 minutes before the door for the early show or you will be standing.

Top Secret Comedy Club in Covent Garden — runs free shows on weekday afternoons, paid in the evenings. The afternoon line-up is genuinely good — I have seen acts who sold out Soho Theatre the week after a free Top Secret slot.

Comedy Virgins at the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell — the most famous open-mic in London, alot rougher than the others, £5 entry. The crowd is tough and the comics know it. You will see at least two future headliners on a slow night.

£8–£12 club shows worth the money

Soho Theatre late shows — most start at 9pm or 9.45pm, £14 is the usual price but the £8 cheap seats go on Mondays. The standard is honestly the best in London for the money.

The Bill Murray in Angel — £8 most weeknights, the room is small enough that the bad bits sting and the good ones land harder. Same crowd as Angel Comedy, smaller stage.

The Top Secret evening shows — £14 weekends, £10 weekdays, two-drink minimum. Reliable.

Theatre lotteries and rush tickets that actually work

TodayTix Lottery — the proper one. Big West End shows, £10–£25 a ticket, lottery opens daily, you find out by 1pm if you have won. The trick is to enter every day for the show you want, not just once.

Donmar Warehouse Klaxon Mondays — £10 tickets release Monday at 12, the link is on their site. Sells out in five minutes most weeks.

Royal Court 5pm rush — £12 day-of tickets, queue from 4.30 if it is a buzzy show. The Jerwood Upstairs is the better deal — smaller room, same price.

Almeida 25-and-under — £5 tickets if you are 25 or under, available on the day or 24 hours ahead. Genuinly the best £5 you can spend in London.

Bush Theatre — £15 day-of tickets are a standing offer, no queueing required. The new writing is the call.

£6 gigs and small-venue music

The Shacklewell Arms in Dalston — £6 to £10 weeknight shows, the band on third is usually the one to watch. The kitchen does pizza until 11.

The Old Blue Last in Shoreditch — Vice-owned, £8 most nights, sticky and loud and always packed. The early show finishes by 10 if you have work.

The Sebright Arms in Bethnal Green — £6 to £10, basement room, the line-up is alot more interesting than the size of the venue suggests. Two of my favourite bookings this year were there.

The Lexington in Angel — £10 to £14, slightly bigger room, the bar upstairs is where you actually hear the support acts properly. The chicken wings menu downstairs is reasonable.

Free museum lates and gallery openings

Tate Modern Friday late — open until 10pm, free, the bar on level 6 is the move. Get there at 7.30.

V&A Friday late — runs the last Friday of the month, free, with a DJ in the courtyard and a bar that takes too long but is fine.

Whitechapel Gallery openings — Thursday evenings most weeks, free wine, you do not need to be on a list. Show up at 6.30.

A small reminder that the free London tech meetups list usually has at least two free-pizza-and-beer evenings a week. Even if you are not in tech, the food is real and nobody checks ID at the door.

Pubs with a pint under £5

Sam Smith's pubs across Soho and Holborn — Cittie of Yorke, the Princess Louise, the Three Greyhounds. £4.50 for a Sam Smith's lager, no music, no card payments. Bring cash, sit in a screened booth, stay for two hours.

The Cock Tavern in Euston — early-doors pub, £4 a pint before noon, £4.80 after. The crowd is railway workers and people who got off a long train.

The Wenlock Arms in Hoxton — proper old pub, real ale £4.80, no telly, no music, the back room is the calmest in zone 1.

The Calthorpe Arms in Bloomsbury — small, family-run, £4.90 a pint, sit outside on a dry evening. A pie is £8.

A proper £20 evening, costed

The plan: free 7pm Angel Comedy → walk to the Old Blue Last for an £8 gig → pint at the Wenlock Arms on the way home (£4.80). Total: £12.80 plus tube. You eat before you leave the house. You walk between venues. You are home by 11.

If you want it cheaper — TodayTix £10 lottery → free V&A late on a Friday → Sam Smith's pint after for £4.50 → walk to the bus. £14.50 and you have done a Friday in central with change. Not bad.

The trick to a budget London is committing to it. If you start the night thinking "let's see how it goes" you will end up at a £14 cocktail bar in Soho. If you plan two cheap things and a pint, you stick to the plan and go to bed at midnight feeling smug. Sound advice from someone who has spent alot of years getting it wrong.